I Think I'm Going Deaf, or Maybe I'm Just Hearing Less.

I've been told I'm really happy lately.

I don't know how to take this statement. Am I truly that big of an asshole, that everyone can count the number of times that I smile on one, or two, hands?

Truth be told, I've had a whirlwind of emotions come over me lately. Obviously, the entrance of Sgt. Nasty into the United States Military has me cocked sideways, the unknown future of my livelihood is in utter disarray, my band is going into a very large change, but I'm also in a fresh relationship that has me standing on an ear day to day (She's not crazy, I'm just always asking questions. She claims that she IS, in fact, crazy, but whatever.).

Happiness really varies on different levels. I've dealt with a lot of unfortunate events that, apparently, have put me in a bad mood.....constantly. I really wouldn't say bad mood, but very cynical when it comes to everyday life. I went (raging, I might add) through my twenties like the very world in front of me was burning to the ground. I did everything that you could possibly do that even your mother would cry over.

My friend VR said this to me the other day:

"Your new girlfriend is hot, blonde, and awesome. This surprises me."

"Why the hell would you say something like that?"

"Sampson, you're a very unpleasant person. Shit, we've known each other for years, and it STILL takes me 30 minutes of a shitty conversation before we get nice with each other."

I didn't know whether to punch him in the face, or kiss him on the mouth. I did neither. I just nodded, and smiled, like an Asian foreign exchange student. How do you take that? Do you accept the fact that other people recognize your happiness, or just look out for number one? Strange concept, I think.

I guess I can talk about the things that are, and definitely aren't, making me happy.

Sgt. Nasty: Read previous blog.

Job: Once again, read previous blog. It's really not that veiled.

Band: I haven't really talked about these guys. I now play in a band that I am very proud of. We have gotten the attention of the general public here in our fair city, and have recorded an extended play of 8 songs that, still to this day, blow my mind. Recently, I had a sit down with one of our members, where, for lack of a better term, I had to talk to him about "growing up". It was one of the hardest conversations that I had ever been through with a dear friend, and I know that day will be coming up for me soon enough (I'm not getting any younger). We want to tour, but he has a lot of shit on his plate that he is ALSO proud of, but conflicts in the way of touring, and whatever ridiculousness we want to indulge in. It's a rough deal, figuring he is exactly like me, but what seemed to be a very dear heart to heart, turned nasty in a barrage of passive aggressive Facebook and blog posts. I love this man to pieces, but I can only hope that he can turn the bad into good. He's too talented to get all ultra mega nega core on me.

My relationship is something you can stay the fuck out of. Beat it.

I do, however, find happiness in a lot of other things. I enjoy the times that I get to spend with my son. I enjoy the times that I get to spend with my dysfunctional band. I enjoy the times I get to serve all of you surly drunks when I work, and I really enjoy the times I get to spend with someone that I truly do care about. These are things that make people count the times that I do smile.

Cheers, fuckheads.